Quality Touch

Welcome to the life-changing discovery of the 5 Love Languages labelled as such by Dr Gary Chapman who discovered them.

Knowing the way we express love lowers the risk of misunderstandings and deepens our message.

We all primarily show our love the way we would like to see the other show his or her love for us. There is nothing wrong with that; in fact, it is quite natural. Yet it leads to misunderstandings when we don’t share the same primary love language (LL).

A love language is nothing more than a way we express our love and care for someone.

What does Quality Touch mean?

When Quality Touch is our primary love language we are particularly sensitive to physical contact. Our tactile receptors all over our body are ready for a gentle, pleasurable contact. They are also in alert. A negative contact, such as a slap, a harsh push will have far more impact on a person who has Quality Touch as a primary LL.

Physical contact has more importance than words to convey messages of love. You look for physical contact with the ones you love. It can be subtle with a simple contact, or a light caress on the hand, or it can be more obvious through hugs and kisses.

That does not mean that you would love your loved one to be all over you all the time. There are times when you crave contact and times when you would not appreciate it.

The tricky part is that everyone is unique with the sensitivity of their tactile receptors, and only you know best how and when it feels nice to be touched.

In your relationship, intimacy is particularly important because it is the only the opportunity for you to feel loved and express love.

How can Quality Touch lead to misinterpretation?

In this world we live in, when political correctness often makes physical contact a dirty thing, having Quality Touch as a primary love language can lead someone to trouble.

Remember that you express love and care primarily through physical contact: you will touch, caress, hug at the first opportunity.

If your partner does not understand your love language, they might ignore your gentle caress, or worse reject it because it embarrasses them.

And you might hear that it is inappropriate to do that in this circumstance. For you, though it is a downright rejection, heartily felt.

In addition, you might not feel loved only because your partner does not share with you the importance of this love language, and will only touch you in the intimacy of your bedroom. You, therefore, crave shown affection through contact.

What can you do to fill your love tank?

For this particular love language, your awareness is key. The more you understand your body, and what matters for you most, the more you will be able to explain your way of loving to your partner and be mindful of their reluctance to physical contact.

Your task, therefore, is to fine tune how you love to be touched, where you like it most, and when you would love this interaction.

Beyond the simple contacts that you can teach your partner to do, such as knees touching under the table, you can also deepen the conversation about your intimacy and learn more about how your partner wants to be touched.

This may not be an easy conversation to have but it is well worth your effort. People who do not have this LL as a primary love language may avoid this important conversation that all couples should have. You and your partner are both lucky that it is a necessity for you.

 

Quality Time

Welcome to the life-changing discovery of the 5 Love Languages labelled as such by Dr Gary Chapman who discovered them.

Knowing the way we express love lowers the risk of misunderstandings and deepens our message.

We all primarily show our love the way we would like to see the other show his or her love for us. There is nothing wrong with that; in fact, it is quite natural. Yet it leads to misunderstandings when we don’t share the same primary love language.

A love language is nothing more than a way we express our love and care for someone.

Quality Time may not be exactly what you think

Undivided attention is what you are looking for to feel loved. The principle is rather simple and easy to understand but it is not necessarily easy to apply. The keyword is time and time is a rare commodity these days. Whenever you show your love to someone you are generous with your time; you don’t even check too much about the time you spent because your laser focus on the other is far more important.

 

Quality Time people are valued by others, because they are genuinely generous with their time when it matters.

It comes down to the time you dedicate to someone because speaking quality time love language can be anything from a meaningful conversation, to a walk, and to an activity done together. Time involved is never negligible.

As a result, Quality Time people may lose track of time in showing their love to someone. Others value and appreciate their dedication but they may not be aware of the love shown through the time shared.

 

And in the world we live in, it would be delusional to expect the same dedication from others who do not share quality time as a primary love language.

How can Quality Time love language be misunderstood?

It is rather difficult for those of us who do not have quality time in the first two primary love languages, to grasp the importance of undivided attention.

We all at times need undivided attention, usually when we are distressed, and we all appreciate when we have it. In a relationship, the challenge is that getting undivided attention when they need it is not enough for quality time people.

Sharing time, doing fun things together, having a conversation looking into each other eyes, is the oxygen quality time people need to feel loved.

With our mobile phones and our ever more demanding days, if we don’t make the time, it simply does not happen. Quality Time people must explain their love language in order to get the attention they deeply need.

When communication makes the difference

When your partner understands what it means to speak your primary love language, they will make the effort, they will make the time. And they will value your time and energy for the love expressed it is.

Even if their undivided attention developing skill initially feels like a token to you compared to the time you freely give on a regular basis, slowly you will notice that your partner finds pleasure in it as well. It is so spectacular the drastic change in attitude when a quality time person feels loved that it builds a positive momentum.

Soon enough, evenings and getaway will be scheduled and mutually enjoyed to make sure your love tank is filled.

It matters that you communicate to your partner what you would love to do that would make you feel loved. Not only each person is unique, but your needs can evolve. A walk in the park, for instance, might fill your love tank for a while. When it becomes a routine, it is less likely to have the same impact. Your partner cannot guess that.

Unplanned outings, for instance, have a lot of value for quality time people. If you explain that to your partner they will do their best to happily surprise you.

 

 

Act of Service

Welcome to the life-changing discovery of the 5 Love Languages labelled as such by Dr Gary Chapman who discovered them.

Knowing the way we express love lowers the risk of misunderstandings and deepens our message.

We all primarily show our love the way we would like to see the other show his or her love for us. There is nothing wrong with that; in fact, it is quite natural. Yet it leads to misunderstandings when we don’t share the same primary love language (LL).

A love language is nothing more than a way we express our love and care for someone.

What does Act of Service mean?

The Act of Service LL is about the help we receive or we wish to receive. It is about the little things he or she does for you. When Act of Service is your primary LL, the actions of others, to help you, make all the difference. You value the help you receive because it means that you are loved, and you will also do as much as you can to help the people you love, to show them how much you care.

Services can range from chores to taking any action that requires thought, energy, and time.  Problems usually arise from the belief systems we all have around service.

For instance, if it really matters to you that your house is spotless, you will particularly appreciate if your partner does the cleaning for you. However, according to your partner’s beliefs, he or she might view doing the cleaning for you as a diminishing task, based on outdated role definition.

Unless you clearly communicate your appreciation and how much that makes a difference in your life, your partner may not be inclined to do that for you.

Why can Act of Service be so frustrating for both partners?

It is rare in any relationship that partners never provide help to one another. In fact today, most couples share tasks and chores.

So we could think that this is heaven for Act of Service people.  And it would be, if the perception of help, or service, was not making all the difference. Act of Service people feel loved when things done for them ONLY are on their list of top your priority tasks. You already grasp the subjectivity of this; don’t you?

You, with Act of Service as your primary LL, will do many things for the one you love, even the things that he or she never asked for and the things that he or she would rather do personally. In the last two cases, your intention is to show your love, and your partner’s reactions will either be to ignore your actions or criticize them. “I never asked you to do that” is a sentence often heard and it is crushing your spirit.

On the other hand, your partner might do all sorts of things for you. Yet he or she does not do what truly matters to you, so, in a way, it does not count to fill your love tank. You might acknowledge the tasks, but it does not make you feel loved.

By the way, if your partner does not have Act of Service as the primary or secondary LL, they will not feel particularly loved when you do things for them, and they will never show you their love through services. Unless they know…

What can you do to fill your love tank?

The very first step you could take is to list the services or tasks that really matter to you.

Then, for each item on your list, check whether your partner already does this for you. How do you feel about it? Would you like this particular task to be done differently to make you feel even more loved? If so clarify how you would like it to be done, and communicate that to your partner while thanking them for their help.

The conversation with your partner is a must, so he or she can understand how important this is for you and how much his or her actions mean to you.

Your appreciation is absolutely key to keep the ball rolling. Remember that once your partner knows that he or she must do this or that, to make you feel loved, your partner will do it … for you. And, the level of your appreciation and gratitude will be their reward.

 

Word of affirmation

Welcome to the life-changing discovery of the 5 Love Languages labelled as such by Dr Gary Chapman who discovered them.

Knowing the way we express love lowers the risk of misunderstandings and deepens our message.

We all primarily show our love the way we would like to see the other show his or her love for us. There is nothing wrong with that; in fact, it is quite natural. Yet it leads to misunderstandings when we don’t share the same primary love language (LL).

A love language is nothing more than a way we express our love and care for someone.

What does that mean?

When word of affirmation (WA) is our primary love language, we convey love with kind words and tone of voice. As a consequence, we are very sensitive to words said and quick to interpret the tone of voice.

All human beings look to be loved. Yet there is not a universal way of seeing love. This why understanding the five love languages and how they apply to you and your partner is so important.

Positive words, supportive tone, verbal praise, and acknowledgement are necessary for people with WA as their primary LL.

Talking is also very important, especially to sort things out in a loving way.

How can that lead to misinterpretation?

A person who does not have WA as a primary LL will not pay particular attention to the spoken words or tone of voice. If you praise the person she will be pleased, but nothing more. It will not fill him or her heart with love.

Similarly, the non-WA person will not realize how hurtful it can be for you, when he or she uses a harsh tone, uses negative words, or simply fails to verbally acknowledge something that you have done. No one reacts well to harsh tone, but it does not have the same devastating effect on everyone.

The word, “devastating,” may seem excessive; yet it truly reflects what a primarily WA person feels. When someone that the WA person loves hurts him or her verbally, that person immediately shifts into defensive mode: unable to process the message behind the words. All he or she will hear is, “I don’t love you.”

What can you do?

Enlighten your partner. Choose a peaceful time, and disclose that you have found that your primary love language is WA. Describe what it implies, in terms of communication. EZcouple will also do that for you, but your personal experience is always helpful.

Be patient. Knowing about something does not stop unconscious moves. Bear in mind that speaking WA will never be natural for someone who does not have that in the first two primary LLs.

Be forgiving and read between the words: once you know which LL is your partner’s primary one, it will be easier to remember that he or she does not mean harm when his or her tone of voice is too harsh or he or she uses poorly selected words.

Speak the other’s LL when you feel like returning the love you received.

Last but not least, be mindful of your own words, especially when you are angry. Your partner, once he or she knows you are WA, will pay even more attention to the words you say.

Why a Good Intention is Rarely Enough

Your intention is not enough… If you want your partner to feel your love you had better consider more than the intention to show your love.

The time when “he or she meant well” is enough to keep the relationship on the right track is over. Past the courtship, your relationship will eventually collapse with your failed attempts to please.

The divorce and separation rate is such that we should know that we need to be far more savvy in today’s world if we want our relationship to last.

The flip side of this, however, is that if we stay in a relationship today, it is no longer because we are forced to. And that opens the door to many opportunities.

 

Becoming a better partner…

 

First, we accept the fact that we might not know our partner as much as we think we do. Then we realize how much we guess on a daily basis. Like all good gamers, we remember the good guesses far more than the wrong ones. Fair enough… but where does that lead us? Check the divorce/separation rates to find the answer.

The alternative is to face the challenge it can be to find out who we truly are in a relationship, and how we make things easy or difficult, and why. This is the groundwork needed to improve a relationship and get to another level.

What about starting to level the gift giving opportunities you currently have? Giving and receiving are at the heart of a loving interaction. And often we miss out simply because we don’t have the information we need to leverage the occasion.

Leave the guesswork and choose EZcouple.

EZcouple will not only increase your knowledge about what your partner wants, but it will also give you the opportunity to convey what you would love, simply and efficiently.

If your intention is to show your love for your partner, registering on EZcouple is the best way to express your pure intention. Your partner will receive an email informing him or her what a wonderful person you are in taking the first step to show your love efficiently.

 

Start the giving-receiving-appreciation cycle today!