Welcome to the life-changing discovery of the 5 Love Languages labelled as such by Dr Gary Chapman who discovered them.
Knowing the way we express love lowers the risk of misunderstandings and deepens our message.
We all primarily show our love the way we would like to see the other show his or her love for us. There is nothing wrong with that; in fact it is quite natural. Yet it leads to misunderstandings when we don’t share the same primary love language (LL).
A love language is nothing more than a way we express our love and care for someone.
What having Gift as the most important love language means?
Gift LL is far more subtle than it seems initially. Of course, you love material gifts, well wrapped, just for you. And you are particularly good at finding the right gift for someone you love. You never come empty handed etc…
There are many other ways you can speak this love language. You will, for instance, give your time, your presence, your energy, your attention. The gift of self is often understated when in fact it is part of this amazing love language.
When you love, you give, wholeheartedly, truthfully, and generously. And you expect the same in return.
How can this Gift love language be misunderstood?
For anyone who does not have Gift as a primary LL, people who primarily speak Gift LL are a lot to handle!
They are perceived as setting the bar too high. And even if most people will love to be on the receiving end of these talented givers, they’d rather not feel the pressure it implies.
For someone who is not primary Gift LL, offering a drink is quite meaningless, making a gift will be nice but it will only be a nice addition to the love showed differently.
As a result, they might not understand the importance for you of these actions. They might not guess that you thrive on dedicated and meaningful offerings, be it a meal, some special time, or undivided attention.
When knowledge makes the difference
If you take the time to explain to your partner what your primary love language is about, beyond the material gifts, they will find very easy to fill your love tank. Because their time, their energy, their person can be a gift in itself that you will really appreciate if it is sincerely offered to you.
On your side, you must understand that your partner may not have your degree of refinement when it comes to giving. They might express their love for you in a very different way: they might look for gentle physical contact, they might provide pieces of advice to make your life easier, they may overwork to provide for you. The way you feel about these actions is the way they feel about yours. It is nice, just nice but not enough.
Being aware makes all the difference. Once you and your partner fully understand how each of you spontaneously expresses your love, you will learn to speak the other’s language on a regular basis, and the pleasure will be mutual.