How to Last in a Relationship

Lasting in a relationship

Every relationship demands some kind of maintenance program using the 5 love languages as defined by Gary Chapman.

When it comes to romantic relationships, do you seriously think that whatever commitment you made on a single day will be enough to sustain love and caring in the long run? Whether it is marriage or the day you decided to commit to that relationship, you must now become pragmatic and check on what works and what does not.

Human nature across the board is that we get used to anything and everything. It becomes our routine. Routine offers the possibility that we may operate automatically, requiring a minimum of energy. The flow of competing demands drives our focus, and thus our routine stays unchanged and unadjusted.

Gradually we feel taken for granted, we no longer feel valued and as a result, we spend less and less time doing meaningful things. This is a rather natural evolution that can only be tweaked if we are proactive.

Sometimes we are convinced that we are doing what it takes, oblivious to the fact that our partner has different desires. Spontaneously, we do or say to our partner what we would like our partner to do young african couple having conflict sitting on the sofaor say to us. It may work but most the time it won’t. Rare are the couples who share the same primary love language. Sharing a love language is not a requirement as long as we are aware that we don’t share it.

A relationship needs meaningful acts of love on a regular basis to thrive.

The 5 love languages in action

Meaningful acts of love…

Sweet in love couple dreaming of their futureWe all know that showing love is important. What is less disucussed is that showing love HAS to be meaningful for the receiver. If you keep giving the wrong food to a plant it will eventually die. Similarly, if you keep showing your love in a way that your partner does not understand or feel is an act of love, eventually your partner will stop thinking that you love him or her.

Understanding what is meaningful for your partner is therefore the key to nurturing a romantic relationship. It may be what is meaningful to you, and that makes your task easier. Often though it is radically different from what is meaningful for you, and showing your love needs, therefore, to be consciously directed in a manner that is not natural for you.

How many times have we heard that words are easy and actions are not: he can sweet talk me but what does it show? In reality, he speaks his primary love language which is Word of Affirmation. Words and voice tone matter so much to him that he expresses his love with words and a gentle loving tone. His partner, in this case, does not see that. In fact, she complains about the fact that her primary love language is ignored.

Once both partners clearly understand their respective primary love languages, they can express their love so it is felt.

This is what reaching out to the other truly means.

Setting a fulfilling routine

… on a regular basis!

Do you think that ten days of a fantastic yearly holiday makes up for the dull daily life you have during the rest of the year? Or do you believe that a yearly cleanse diet will compensate for a daily intake of junk food?

If you don’t like your daily life sooner or later your yearly holiday will not suffice to re-energize your relationship. Eat junk all year long and your detox will be painful and exhausting. So much so that the following year you will skip it.  Similarly, the one gift or the yearly break will not make up for months of neglect. In fact, they will highlight even more the depressive state of our daily lives.

At the end of the day, it comes down to our need to feel valued and loved. Men and women differ in how they feel valued. We all need reassurance through daily words or actions. We need to feel special for the person we live with. The more special we feel the more love we will give in return.

Every woman has her own way of feeling special and loved. Beyond love languages, small things, daily details make a huge difference for any woman.

In daily life, small gestures and actions mean the world to them. Nothing spectacular here, nothing to brag about. Yet these little things are the solid foundation for a healthy relationship. If men were more aware of the impact of these little things that delight their female partners, they would not dismiss them so quickly. And they would definitely be happier with their relationship.

The devil is in the details they say! It is particularly true with your romantic relationship

How to last in a relationship today

Romantic relationships usually start well, So why is it so hard for them to last?

The enchanting beginning…

We all love the excitement of courtship and the early stage of relationships, full of hopes and mystery. It is a dreamlike beginning…of lifelong love

WE FEEL GOOD.

We feel valued, appreciated, and special, even if it is all based on assumptions, and projections that have little to do with who we are.

In courtship, and at the beginning of a relationship, our partner’s excitement fuels ours. We both want it to never end. And we think that feeling is love with a big L.

As a result, when the relationship evolves and settles in for the long run, we less and less view our partner with selective glasses. We open our eyes to what is far from exceptional. In fact, we get to know the other with all his or her flaws, and our partner, all of a sudden, points out our own weaknesses to us.

From there on, we have two choices:

  1. We start blaming him or her for the misunderstandings, the disagreements. Soon enough arguments plague the relationship and our partner loses their aura of attraction. Instead of taking this as an opportunity to grow, we flee this relationship, thinking it is the problem.
  2. We become aware that our partner may also be a mirror reflecting our flaws.  And we decide to look at the part we play in that. When we raise our awareness about our flaws, we are more likely to accept our partner’s weaknesses. At that point, the relationship becomes a potential for growth for both partners.

The banality of relationship breakups and divorce is a staggering proof that the first option is the easiest one. The only rewarding option, however, is the second one, because it opens the door for personal growth.

This choice will present itself in any romantic relationship, sooner rather than later.

Growing with your relationship and learning to show love

We are not perfect. Why are we expecting our relationship to be?

Life teaches us many lessons, and as we learn, we change and grow. A relationship is a partnership of two individuals growing and changing on their own. Therefore the relationship has to evolve.

As routine kicks in, we tend to do and give what we would love to receive, regardless of whether it is meaningful for the other. And we expect the other to return their love the same way.

There may be love but is it perceived as such by our partner? Not necessarily.

Gifts and celebrations become then particularly important to show how much we love and care. Gary Chapman with the 5 Love Languages theory has well illustrated how showing love can be totally undetected by the receiver.

As a result, relationships are work because we must understand how to love efficiently. If we fail to do so, we jeopardize our relationship.

Gift giving is a rare opportunity to show your love

Lasting in a relationship is wonderful. It is a big achievement that we should celebrate.

With time comes a better understanding of ourselves and our partner. We deepen our love through growing experiences.

Gifts and special occasions as the relationship evolves, take on a stronger meaning.

A gift that moves the partner to the core will fill the relationship love tank. It will fuel the positive cycle of gratitude. Only the right gift deeply moves us: it is given at the right time, the right way.

Successful gift giving =Accuracy + Timing +Style

How do we hit the three marks? Knowledge. The more you know your partner and what they love the easier it gets. Does it ever get easy? I have been happily married for over 20 years and my experience tells me it is never easy because our needs change.

When you and your partner succeed in having many memories of moments when you touch each other’s heart, your relationship has the most solid base to go through any storm. And storms, there will be.

As you grow, the relationship blossoms through life experiences.

EZcouple.com is the tool to help you with giving something meaningful to your partner, effortlessly, all the time.

Celebrations and gifts are opportunities for you to nurture your relationship. The uncertainty around gift giving is not easy for the giver, and it is often disappointing for the receiver. EZcouple.com removes the uncertainty so you are left with the joy of a celebration.

Life is unpredictable. It will throw many things at you. Secure the fact that you will please your partner when you decide to do so… join EZcouple.