Lasting in a relationship
Every relationship demands some kind of maintenance program using the 5 love languages as defined by Gary Chapman.
When it comes to romantic relationships, do you seriously think that whatever commitment you made on a single day will be enough to sustain love and caring in the long run? Whether it is marriage or the day you decided to commit to that relationship, you must now become pragmatic and check on what works and what does not.
Human nature across the board is that we get used to anything and everything. It becomes our routine. Routine offers the possibility that we may operate automatically, requiring a minimum of energy. The flow of competing demands drives our focus, and thus our routine stays unchanged and unadjusted.
Gradually we feel taken for granted, we no longer feel valued and as a result, we spend less and less time doing meaningful things. This is a rather natural evolution that can only be tweaked if we are proactive.
Sometimes we are convinced that we are doing what it takes, oblivious to the fact that our partner has different desires. Spontaneously, we do or say to our partner what we would like our partner to do or say to us. It may work but most the time it won’t. Rare are the couples who share the same primary love language. Sharing a love language is not a requirement as long as we are aware that we don’t share it.
A relationship needs meaningful acts of love on a regular basis to thrive.
The 5 love languages in action
Meaningful acts of love…
We all know that showing love is important. What is less disucussed is that showing love HAS to be meaningful for the receiver. If you keep giving the wrong food to a plant it will eventually die. Similarly, if you keep showing your love in a way that your partner does not understand or feel is an act of love, eventually your partner will stop thinking that you love him or her.
Understanding what is meaningful for your partner is therefore the key to nurturing a romantic relationship. It may be what is meaningful to you, and that makes your task easier. Often though it is radically different from what is meaningful for you, and showing your love needs, therefore, to be consciously directed in a manner that is not natural for you.
How many times have we heard that words are easy and actions are not: he can sweet talk me but what does it show? In reality, he speaks his primary love language which is Word of Affirmation. Words and voice tone matter so much to him that he expresses his love with words and a gentle loving tone. His partner, in this case, does not see that. In fact, she complains about the fact that her primary love language is ignored.
Once both partners clearly understand their respective primary love languages, they can express their love so it is felt.
This is what reaching out to the other truly means.
Setting a fulfilling routine
… on a regular basis!
Do you think that ten days of a fantastic yearly holiday makes up for the dull daily life you have during the rest of the year? Or do you believe that a yearly cleanse diet will compensate for a daily intake of junk food?
If you don’t like your daily life sooner or later your yearly holiday will not suffice to re-energize your relationship. Eat junk all year long and your detox will be painful and exhausting. So much so that the following year you will skip it. Similarly, the one gift or the yearly break will not make up for months of neglect. In fact, they will highlight even more the depressive state of our daily lives.
At the end of the day, it comes down to our need to feel valued and loved. Men and women differ in how they feel valued. We all need reassurance through daily words or actions. We need to feel special for the person we live with. The more special we feel the more love we will give in return.
Every woman has her own way of feeling special and loved. Beyond love languages, small things, daily details make a huge difference for any woman.
In daily life, small gestures and actions mean the world to them. Nothing spectacular here, nothing to brag about. Yet these little things are the solid foundation for a healthy relationship. If men were more aware of the impact of these little things that delight their female partners, they would not dismiss them so quickly. And they would definitely be happier with their relationship.
The devil is in the details they say! It is particularly true with your romantic relationship